So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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