just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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