I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
