I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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