Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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