so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We left the knife in your bed.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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