Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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