didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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