I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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