Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
