Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
