Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i drank out of a bidet.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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