Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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