things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
