Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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