The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
