just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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