she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
