ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
