I can text with my tongue
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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