I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
