once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
