hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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