I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
