then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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