i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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