At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
