take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
