my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
