I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
