i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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