i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
