normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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