allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
