I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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