Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
