i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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