blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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