youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
