nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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