i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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