Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
