He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
