made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
