I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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