shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
