Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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