I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
