And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
