i was born a porn star she said
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
