He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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