You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i love accidental penises.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
