Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
