no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
